Yesterday

ROUGH DRAFT

My little girl was taken from me. And then returned an hour later. We were all at my parent's home for dinner and swimming. I was there along with my new husband, Jerry, my children Chloe and Camille, my step son Jarrett, my grandparents, my aunt, my cousin and my parents. In addition to the presence of my nuclear and extended family, my ex husband Bill, his girlfriend and her children were also there at the invitation of my mother. What a strange world I live in.

After dinner and swimming were over, Chloe who is nine and Camille who is five, bounced around with different activities like eating desert, watching tv, using the computer. Every now and then I would check on their location and make sure Camille wasn't into anything.

Once I went to look for Camille but couldn't find her, yet I heard her voice in the computer room and everyone assured me she was playing Webkinz with Chloe. Soon thereafter, she said she was hungry and despite grilled chicken, turkey, hamburgers, hotdogs, salads, and wonderful deserts, she wanted pancakes. I told her I would fix her a plate of any leftovers but I would not make her pancakes. She got this idea from her cousin Cameron who virtually lives on waffles.

She walked away pouting and Jarrett and I went to look for a game to play. We got a couple from the closet shelf and I took them into the dining room but things were winding down so I decided we should get ready for home. I gathered up things like my zune, camera, and the kids' shoes and wet clothes and put them by the back door. I told Chloe and that we were leaving soon and discussed it with Jerry.

"Camille", I yelled, "we are ready to go. Gather up all your things". No response. "Camille!", I yelled louder. Still nothing. I went to look for her, beginning in the computer room. She wasn't there. I looked in the living room and two spare bedrooms, no Camille. I went downstairs and looked in my folks bedroom, playroom, closets, my dad's workshop. No blond five year old little girl. Coming back stairs, I told Jerry and my mom that I couldn't find Camille. Mom said, "I'll find her". She began looking too, same rooms, same order that I had looked.

"I wonder where she is", my mother said. Chloe told me that the last time she saw her was in the computer room. I looked through every room again, this time more carefully. Still no child. I returned to the family room. My dad and Jerry were there. " I really can't find Camille", this time my voice was a little high pitched. "Calm down:, my dad said, "I'm sure she's around somewhere". "Where?", I sounded a little upset.

By this time, we were all looking. Each of us going through the house room by room. Jerry thought she had probably gone off to hide somewhere and had fallen asleep. My third time around, I looked much more carefully. In every closet, under every bed, around every corner, behind the door. In the playroom downstairs there was a toddler bed with a bunch of rumpled blankets. I breathed a sigh of relief when I saw the blankets, there she was I thought. She had gone to sleep on the toddler bed. I left up the blankets and started to say her name - - but she wasn't there, just a heap of blankets.

I looked in the bath tubs, under the sinks, in the linen closet. I was looking in a drawer when a terrible thought occurred to me. What if she had gone outside and fallen into the pool? I immediately went outside to look at the bottom of the pool. My mother was outside too. "I already looked", she said. Nevertheless, I carefully inspected every inch of the pool, fearing I would find a little crumpled form at the bottom.

I went back inside and made the rounds again. I was starting to get really scared and I know my eyes were bulging. This round I looked under the couches, behind plants, in the fridge, in the freezer even. I went back downstairs and looked in the drawers, in the tv armoire, under my mother's vanity. My mom and dad had a dozen pillows on their bed. I lifted up a couple. I started up the stairs but stop and yelled repeatedly at the top of my voice, "Camille, where are you? Answer me!" There was no answer.

I returned to the living room and my parents asked expectantly "Did you find her"? This time my voice sounded weird, weak, not my own. "No mom", I said, she's not here. We all started toward the front door and began to look outside. "Well, she couldn't have gone out this door", mom said, "it's still locked". I walked all around the front yard, yelling and yelling for her. My dad went to the neighbor's house because Camille goes there sometimes. She wasn't there but we scared the neighbors, Cindy and her teenage daughter Devon into helping us look.

I went to the back yard, looking everywhere I could. Shed, trees, fence, yelling her name. I was really freaked out by now, my heart was racing, my chest was tight. I felt like the world was closing in on me. I just wanted to find her and hold her, stroke her soft blond hair. Chloe saw me and put her arms around me, "it will be okay mommy, we'll find her". Imagine a nine year old child comforting her increasingly crazed mother. She was trying to hold onto me, but I pushed her away, fearing the loss of time if I stood still even for a moment. The tiny remaining rational part of my brain felt bad for pushing her away but the crazy part just wanted to find my youngest.

We went to the other side of the house and looked, thinking then she might have gone to Paula's, another neighbor's house. They have a young daughter and a swingset. Chloe and Jerry went that way to look, inadvertently scaring Paula into helping us too. Paula called other neighbors, asking them to help look. She began a neighborhood look on foot, going door to door. Every person who walked or drove by was drafted into the search.

I was totally insane with fear by now. I looked at the bottom of the pool again, in the pool's pump room, on the back porch. Jerry came to me and said "calm down darlin, she's got to be around somewhere, the front door was locked, nobody saw her go out the backdoor". "What if somebody drove by and saw her outside and took her?", I nearly screamed. "She's not here, not anywhere, we have looked in every nook and cranny." Jarrett then decided to look in all the appliances, oven, microwave, washer and dryer, refrigerators, freezers. She wasn't in the house. She wasn't at the neighbors.

Camille, with blond hair and blue eyes, thirty eight pounds and almost six years old, is independent, funny, and wilfull but she would never leave my mother's house or walk down the street without asking. Never. If she wasn't at the house, in the yard, or at the neighbors' houses, there was no logical conclusion but that something bad had happened. Something really bad. And I didn't want to think about it. I was absolutely desperate to find her and hold her.

Thinking about all the Code Adam stuff, the crime stopper Walsh guy and all the media stuff I've heard about how the first couple of hours are really important when a child disappears, I decided to call the police. I was asked what she was wearing, Chloe reminded me. A little polo shirt with yellow, green and white stripes, a pair of jean shorts, not sure about shoes. I gave her description, approximate height, weight. I described her eyes as medium blue, colorful, with yellow flecks. Yes, I had a photograph. She had been missing for approximately 30 minutes. Yes, we had looked everywhere. In her hiding places, under the bed, in the washer and dryer. The dispatcher told me to calm down. I thought I sounded calm even though I felt my life was ending. "An officer will be there shortly", I was told. "Please hurry", I said.

I looked everywhere again. All through the house. Chloe had gone outside and I was the only one in the house. I looked all around the beds, yelling and screaming for her as loud as I could in each room. I was really crying now, tears rolling down my face. My emotions were like a tornado. I wanted to believe she would be found and that there was a simple explanation. I wanted to feel calm, believe she was just somewhere simple. Maybe she went home with Aunt Mary and they forgot to tell us. Everytime a thought like that, a positive thought surfaced, I shot it down. I was afraid that if I believed there was a simple explanation, it would cause complacency and there lack of momentum would have disastrous results.

[I WROTE A FULL ENDING TO THIS STORY BUT BLOGGER GOT STUCK, IT DIDN'T GET POSTED AND DIDN'T GET SAVED. HERE IS A SHORT CUT TO THE END.

To shoot right to the ending...all the neighborhood looked for her, the cops were called, I roamed the neighborhood in my car screaming her name while tears screamed down my cheeks. I was two blocks over when I heard my step son (Jarrett) yelling for me. Then I heard him yell, "we found her!". While we were all out looking a neighbor entered the house and went downstairs. Standing at the bottom of the stairs, she called for Camille. She heard a tiny voice say "what?". They had dialogue but Camille's voice was faint. She couldn't tell where Camille was. Finally she saw the tinest bit of movement within the pillows of my parent's bed. They keep about a dozen pillows on their bed. Camille had wedged herself against the headboard, under all 12 pillows and could not hear the calls for her, nor could anyone discern her tiny body. When I got back to the house, she was still groggy from sleep and not fully aware of all that had transpired.