Silly-Kiwi-Print-C10076942

Silly-Kiwi-Print-C10076942
Originally uploaded by Crazy climber.

Being silly is so fun.

surprised

surprised
Originally uploaded by Crazy climber.

Monkeys are so sweet, 'specially when they watch chinese fire drill from the safety of the back seat.

Russian Red Light or Chinese Fire Drill

Spent the weekend with my darling, Jerry. We had the privilege of hanging out with his monkeys. While driving around Jerry and I reminisced about the driving games of yesterday. You know, those fun teenage cruising games, when you have nothing else to do? Like slug bug, padiddle, the a-z game, tweety-bird, and my personal favorite - russian red light.

I mentioned it this weekend and Jerry said he wasn't familiar with it. When I described it, he exclaimed "Oh! You mean Chinese Fire Drill". "Yes!", I said "the game where everyone gets out of the car and runs around it at every red light. You know what? Let's play it".

You know, I'm thinking now that maybe this wasn't too bright an idea. When a 42 year old lawyer and mother of two suggests to an 11 year old boy and 44 year old man that we should all play chinese fire drill on a busy rush hour 4 lane street - apparently she isn't taken too seriously.

We all laughed at the idea, then Jerry's son (I'll call him monkey boy) agreed it would be fun. "Let's do it", he said. I was excited. "Okay, at the next red light, everybody get ready."

Well, the next red light came, we stopped the car and monkey boy said, "Here we go!". Adrenaline shot through my veins. Excitement bubbled in my blood. Giggles poured from my body. I got the door open and began my the loop around the car. It was so much fun! I enjoyed the puzzled looks of soccer moms and yuppie dads, watching an aging crazy lady run around her aztec. I imagined a child asking "Mamma, what's wrong with that lady?" as he points a finger in my direction. I didn't care. I was enjoying myself. I was breathless, I was giggling so hard.

Then - Screeechh.......................... #@$%^&&%%$#@@# Wait a minute, I thought. Something's wrong. "Where is everyone else?" Halfway around the vehicle, I saw them. Those two traitors!!! Just sitting there like civilized people. Staring at me through the windows, mouths gaping open, watching me run around my car like some lobotomized screaming banshee. I saw monkey boy saying something to me through the back window, his mouth moving in slow motion. "Huh?", I crinkled up my nose. "What?", I cocked my head.

Finally, horns began blowing. Monkey boy gestured ahead, pointing to the traffic light. The light bulb came on slowly. Aw shucks, the light was green. Finishing my rotation, I jumped back in the car. I then gave Jerry and Monkey boy the absolutely dirtiest look I could conjure - - in between giggles and trying to hide my face from the neighboring cars. Monkey boy told me I was gullible and told his dad that he was in for a wild ride.

"You and What Arm-Y"

My mother is a lovely, intelligent woman, but not a very observant person sometimes.

Nevertheless, she has put her foot in her mouth a time or two.

Mom is a hospital infection control expert and one of her tasks is to teach the hospital and staff about various germs and infections. She was preparing for a seminar and needed the copier. She was accustomed to "no wait" at the copier, walking right up and using it. On this particular day, a man was already using the copier so she waited behind him.

The man was silent but seemed most exasperated. He dropped all his papers on the floor twice. He seemed to have great difficultly juggling books, balancing pens and pencils, holding his materials. He dropped his things many times and my mother helped him pick them up each time. Finally, she couldn't help it anymore and she said, "You look like you could use another arm". The man looked her pointedly in the eye, held her gaze for a moment and said, "yea, I could". He finished his copying and left.

When my mother was also leaving the copying area, the copy clerk called my mother over. "Nan (that's my mother's name), what did you say to that one armed man?"

A few photos

Tall Stacks at night














Jerry in downtown Cinti

Jerry and I at Tall Stacks, a Cincinnati steam paddle wheel festival.

Monday morning

I have a bit of a hang over. Last night Jerry and I prepared sirloin, mashed potatoes and salad for dinner and I drank too much wine. Occasionally I buy box wine (I know - you are thinking I've gone completely bonkers) but the wine isn't too bad. It's not Franzia but a wine called Trove and it's moderatly drinkable and about $20.00 for 3 L. The problem is that two can easily over imbibe before the wine runs out.

Camille slept in her bed without interruption last night. Chloe's stomach was upset and she slept badly. I was in her room half the night, rubbing her belly, giving her soda, holding her. She actually threw up just after eating dinner. She's had a difficult time with her G.I. system lately. It does worry me but she's had mutiple batteries of testing to determine her vomitus capacitus. I guess her belly is just touchy.

After dinner last night Chloe and I curled up on the couch and read a book entitled Flush. It's a novel by Carl Hiaasen. Set in Hiaasen's native Florida, it is about an eco-warrior and father of two who sinks a casino boat. The father sinks the boat because its owner, Dusty Muleman, evades environmental law by dumping human waste from the ship's heads straight into the ocean. We read one chapter together last night and enjoyed it very much. Chloe is such a good reader.

Camille colored while Chloe and I read, then Chloe and I read several books to her, one of which was the abridged version of Chitty Chitty Bang Bang. If you remember the story (the movie was slightly different), the owners of the personified car and the car herself catch some bank robbers. I love reading the story to Camille. Everytime, she points to one of the mean bank robbers and says "Look, he's really a nice guy, he's just so sad." She feels that the bank robber is simply misunderstood. It's the same character every time. I wonder what she reads into his face.

Another week to dread and look forward to.

My week reviewed in rhyme

Mucous is spilling from my nose
I can't smell dinner, wine or rose
My ears are under pressure and I can't hear well
Why bother with music or TV, you need to yell
A fishbowl is my world, I'm looking out
Things move with distortion, is that a rainbow trout?

I can't think, I can't talk, I can't cry, I can't walk
My throat is scratchy, itchy, swollen and sore
Yesterday didn't exist, gone in sleep and snore
Coughing racks my frame
A most unfun head game
My feet are like lead; teeth, eyes, cheeks in pain
No energy, no life, but I keep trying in vain

Such symptoms are nonexistent aside my heart
It's cracked if not broken its chain mail split apart
For fear and angst, anger and pain
Drove this poet to hurt her lover, her mate
He is my horizon, my wake, my bow and stern
Where I'm going, all that I've known and learned
All I've craved and wanted, my future with him

But so long I've waited for that future to begin
I became irrational and desperate, it was my sin
I so wanted us to make a clean start
Away from his girl george, her life apart
A whole year has passed without steps toward me
I felt he was sacrificing us just to let her be

So little pressure did it seem he would bear on her
To get things done, move them along, even confer
He was afraid to have monkeys around me
Or bring nigh, talk of rockstar, their not free
Tents are out, Ashland's poison, can't stay the night
His voice shakes as he tells her of my plight

She musn't be mussed, she musn't be disturbed
She can't be distressed, that was all I heard
Monkeys are hers, he just visits at the zoo
Don't bring rockstar, it makes me so blue
Dividing the Snider was the best for them
But she didn't try just damned and condemned

Me? I saw troubles ahead for me but him more.
It upset me so badly I stomped on the floor
I slammed down the phone, cried and plead
"No", he said, "you'd getter gently tread".
I lost control of myself, went crazy, was brass.
Insulted, was mean, acted like an ass.

I shouldn't have gotten so in the way
I made him feel terrible, I went so astray
I'm so sorry baby, please forgive me
I fall down before you, down on my knee
Do what is right, even if it hurts me
I'll find my way, understand, agree

Just please my love please do the filing
One whole year gone, I'm no longer smiling
My gut so twisted, my heart so pained
Head pounding, eyes swollen, tear ducts drained
I'm afraid, I'm scared, I need you so
You must be a free man, if our love is to grow

This poem, if you will, was written so quick
Forgive me the choppiness, the rhyme so sick
I needed an outlet and this one I found
Sorry if it does nothing but confuse and confound

Beauty Queen Trivia

I read that Steve Henry, former Lt. Gov. of Kentucky plans to run for governor in the next race. I found this interesting, considering the fair amount of scandal attached to his political career. Henry was charged with medicare/medicaid fraud and only escaped jail because he had the money to repay some restitution. His wife, Heather French, former Miss America, killed a female bicyclist in Louisville. If I remember correctly, she was already pregnant when they married.

A friend of mine and I were talking about the French bicycle accident. We couldn't remember if it occurred in Lexington or D.C. It actually happened in Louisville, I learned, as I did internet research. While doing research, I found these interesting facts about other beauty queens:

Diana Tilden-Davis, Miss South Africa 1991, reportedly was bitten on the leg by a hippopotamus while visiting Botswana in late December 2003. She was airlifted to a South African hospital and was reported to be in stable condition. She was a runner-up to Miss World 1991.
The reigning Miss Florida 2003, Shauna Diane Pender, is reportedly making progress in her recovery following a severe car accident in Miami on Nov. 7, 2003. Ms. Pender, 24, who was first runner-up in the 2003 Miss Florida Pageant, assumed the state title in late October following Ericka Yolanda Dunlap's Miss America victory in September.

Miss Savannah, Sharron Nicole Redmond, 21, faces murder charges after the death of her boyfriend, Kevin Shorter, on Dec. 19, 2003. Ms. Redmond, who acknowledges shooting him two days earlier but claims self-defense, will not be disciplined by pageant authorities unless she is convicted.Veruska Ramirez, a model who was Miss Venezuela 1998 and first runner-up to Miss Universe, reportedly was briefly kidnapped in December 2003 in Venezuela, was robbed of some possessions but then was let go unharmed after autographing nude photos of herself that were in her car. This tactic is unlikely to be of much use to the average kidnap victim, but keep it in mind.In an unusually public action, Gemma Stefani, 19, who took second place in May 2003 as Iraq's Maiden of Beauty, is pressing charges against a man she says raped her in Nairobi, Kenya, in July 2001. Meanwhile, former Iraqi titleholders Daniella Tchervenkova and Ivana Kohut are alleging sexual harassment by Uday Hussein, son of overthrown strongman Saddam Hussein. Uday Hussein was killed in July 2003 in a battle with American troops.

Jessica K. Schilling, 19, the reigning Miss USA International and recent competitor at Miss Earth, died Nov. 27, 2003, in Palm Springs, Calif., after a one-vehicle road accident.

Ex-Beauty Queen Arraigned in Court on Charge of Second Degree Theft. Dressed in expensive designer wear -– a camel colored suit, long sleeved silk blouse, perfectly polished covered beige shoes and matching designer purse -– Lisa Katherine Kushi Otsuka stood quietly before Circuit Judge Dan Kochi listening to his every word.Otsuka, who was arrested three times in recent months, was arraigned yesterday morning for allegedly stealing $3,000 on April 1, 2001, from a non-profit Tahitian culture and dance group -– Manutahi -- that helps at-risk kids. Otsuka was first exposed for reportedly lying and cheating after being crowned the 1987 Miss Maui.

Former sitcom beauty queen, Delta Burke, wrote an autobiography. The autobiographical anecdotes are mildly interesting, but the beauty advice gets downright bizarre. For example, Burke often goes against convention, suggesting that heavier women should wear clingy fabrics and show cleavage. Then there's her recipes for face and hair treatments using everyday items, of which mayonnaise seems to be high on the list. Since all of this doesn't constitute a full-length book, Burke pads the tome (no pun intended) with photos featuring her in every possible costume, at every possible weight, with only her big hair as a constant.

Airing on PBS at 12:30 a.m. Halloween night, Muskrat Lovely is a documentary film about the National Outdoor Show in the tight-knit hunting community of Dorchester County, Maryland. Half-beauty pageant, half-skinning contest, it is the only annual city celebration where beauty queens share the stage with skinned rodents.

What have you never done?

I was reading a blog today, belonging to a person with the same name. In it, she wrote about the things she has never done. I copied her list and thought I would respond as if it were my list.

I've never done that!

Her list - I've never:

gone skiing I've been skiing 3 times
kayaked I don't think I have actually kayaked but I have canoed
spelunked I have been caving hundreds of times (cavers rescue spelunkers)
participated in a protest I have. A walkout in 7th grade, a march for women's lives
in D.C. in 1991 or so

saved a whale Physically? No. But I gave Greenpeace $300 when I had nothing
sky dived No, not sure if I ever will.
bungie jumped Almost.
had a tattoo No but thinking about it.
been in love (really) Yes, 3 times. This time is the best.
eaten lobster Yes.
gone deep sea diving I have been scuba diving. I'm PADI certified.
snorkling Yes
dived for pearls No.
braided someone's hair Yes. My little sister, my children, even men's beards.
done cocaine No, don't plan on it.
attended a bar-mitzvah No.
caused a car accident Yes, hit a colonel's car in Louisianna for one
been to all the continents No
seen the pacific ocean Yes
knitted No
written an obituary No
paid off my credit cards Several times
learned to play chess I know how but I suck at it
been good at crossword puzzles No
ridden a horse Yes, a good friend of mine was thrown and broke her hip
touched a monkey Yes and he stole my sunglasses
performed on a Broadway stage No.
slow danced under the stars Maybe
believed in myself I used to, still do in some respects.
believed in the Tooth Fairy (or Santa Clause) Yes.
been a good loser Yes.
eaten clams off a half shell Yes.
stopped hoping for the best ??
always prepared for the worst Yes.

Now my list - I've also never:

Played paintball
Repelled Big South Fork or Whitesides
Been married twice
Gotten my tongue stuck to a pole in the winter after licking it
Weighed under 112 pounds while being 42 years old
Been a step mother
Been in a hot air balloon
Been to England
Gotten a piercing somewhere other than my ears
Been to Chile
Paid off student loans
Taken dance classes
Taken pottery classes
Taken EMT classes
Been to Timbuktu
Been the Queen of Sheba
Written a novel
Owned a Sunray carbide lamp
Climbed in a gym
Been to the Indian ocean
Seen a blue whale with my own eyes
Witnessed a murder
Made a wedding cake
Eaten blowfish
Been in an ice cave
Been in an adventure race
Had a baby without a C-section
Walked across the country