My Sister's Funny Stories

My sister visited and while here she told me a funny little story. My sister, Woo (a nickname), is 34 years old and works out regularly. She takes care of herself and shows very few signs of growing older. Her skin is snappy, teeth white, boobs perky. She has been considered desirable by men since puberty, is intelligent and has a great sense of humor. Her husband Rob is a wonderful family men, highly educated, and a great father and husband. Their son, Cayden is a very smart and sweet little 3 year old, and is an "opposite expert". Okay, now for the story:

Woo lives near Chicago, Illinois, a 9 hour drive from her hometown. Woo's home is a large, sprawling, palatial manor of a house; expertly decorated and adorned with architectural interest and beautiful select antiques. Once or twice a year our mother travels to visit, last having visited this May. While Woo and mother were sitting in Woo's family room just after lunch, the door bell rang. Woo went to the door and looked through the security hole.

Puzzled, she opened the door. "May I help you?", she asked. On her stoop was a strong burly dude, a man unknown to my sister, a tree trimmer. Apparently Woo's youthful appearance threw him off track. Either the tree trimmer or my sister suffered a blonde moment. "Uh, is your mother here?" he asked. Woo thought to herself, "wow, we really do live in the information age. My mother has only been here for a day and already people know she is visiting." Woo asked the tree man, "yes she is but may I tell her what this is about?".

"I just need to talk to her, miss", he said. "It's about her trees". My sister's brain was clouded. She shook her head, wondering why a man in Illinois would track a Kentuckian two states away to discuss her Kentucky landscaping. Woo said, "but she doesn't really care about her trees right now, I think, they are so far away". The tree trimmer frowned and scratched his head, "but miss, that tree over there is only 25 feet from the door, that's not that far away". "Look", he said, "I'm just here because we are in the neighborhood, and we are offering a pruning special today. Either your mom wants her trees pruned or she doesn't."

It finally dawned on Woo that the man thought her a teenager and that she was too young to be a home owner. "You look mister", she said "this is my home, my mother is merely a visitor here and I don't need my trees trimmed". The man just smiled and left.

Universal Truths

Rudin's Law: In a crisis that forces a choice to be made among alternative courses of action, most people will choose the worst possible one.

Chisholm's Law: Anytime things appear to be going better, you have obviously overlooked something.

Livingston's rule of accuracy: When working toward the solution of a problem, it helps if you know the answer. Corollary: Provided, of course, you know there is a problem.

Weller's Law: Nothing is impossible for the man who doesn't have to do it himself.

Murphy's Law: If anything can go wrong, it will.

Oh Yeah, and then there's....

Brief rundown of what I've been up to.

1. Climbed a really tall tree, interesting how it sways in the wind (yikes).
2. Contemplated the sound of squirrel claws on the roof above my head.
3. Made pudding and whipped cream ice cream cone treat things but they all disintegrated over night.
4. My little girls and I had spa night while we watched a movie. There was lotion, cotton balls, candy wrappers, and emery boards all over the living room.
5. Running on treadmill (I truly have been but I just threw that in for any runners that might tune in).
   
6. Took my daughters to dance class.
7. Listening to Sheryl Crow's album (shows my age doesn't it) Wildflowers repeatedly while I do the treadmill.
8. Went for a bike ride.
9. Had my daughter a little birthday party at her favorite restaurant. (She is having a sleep over party at her dad's too).
10. Saw the Da Vinci Code at the movies. I had read the book too. The film is fairly true to the book but the story is much less dramatic as a film.